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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28453002">Until she falls asleep</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphroditesdevotion/pseuds/aphroditesdevotion'>aphroditesdevotion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Love Poems, Overthinking, Secret Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:48:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28453002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphroditesdevotion/pseuds/aphroditesdevotion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You think Toni Shalifoe and poems don't go well together?<br/>Well then you're absolutely wrong.</p><p>takes places after 1x10, no shark attack, nobody knows about Nora</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martha Blackburn &amp; Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm guessing I'm not the only one who immediately fell in love with Toni and Shelby so I'm compensating my obsession by writing a fan fiction. I'll try to upload as frequently as possible and I'll stick to the structure I planned out. Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Shhh, be quiet or they‘ll hear us” Toni said, silently sneaking off from the campfire where the other girls fell asleep 20 minutes ago. Shelby was walking closely behind her. She thought it was a good idea to take off her shoes in order to prevent someone from waking up. Especially Dot had a light sleep and sometimes the girls thought she had this weird 6th sense where she could hear nearly everything in her surroundings and was aware of every movement while sleeping.</p><p>Toni turned around to face the blonde girl and put her finger in front of her mouth to signalize her to stop making any noise. Although they were walking in complete darkness, the campfire behind them threw this beautiful orange ray of light on Shelby’s hair and face which made her eyes look even more gorgeous than usual. Toni’s gaze got caught up in the stunningly green color of her girlfriend’s eyes and she sensed her stomach turn in a way she had never felt before. Usually she didn’t believe in having “butterflies” in her stomach when she’s in love, but at the moment there wasn’t any other explanation for what Shelby ignited in her.</p><p>Sometimes she didn’t want to hide their love anymore and just tell the girls all about their relationship, but she couldn’t figure out if Shelby was ready to make that kind of commitment. Toni wanted to openly express her feelings for her and she also kinda missed talking to Martha about her crushes.</p><p>Back in Minnesota they would tell each other everything. They kept no secrets from one another which made their friendship so special. Of course, there were like a dozen of other reasons why they shared such a strong connection but she loved the fact that there was one person in her life who knew exactly what was going on and whom she trusted completely. Well, now there are two people. She couldn’t help herself but smile while looking at Shelby. How did she deserve such a pure soul in her life?</p><p>“What are you grinning at?” Shelby asked raising one of her eyebrows. Not that she didn’t want Toni to smile but she was just a bit surprised, considering that just seconds ago her girlfriend tried as quickly as possible to get away from the camp and not just standing there and staring at Shelby.</p><p>“Nothing..I’m just grateful to have you in my life Shelbs. Now let’s get out of here or otherwise I’ll pour my whole fucking heart out” she let out a small laugh, grabbed Shelby’s hand and headed towards their favorite spot. The two of them would always go there when they wanted some alone time. It was a beautiful little place in the middle of the woods where the sun had access to heat up the grass which benefitted the growth of flowers in that area. That was the only spot they knew of which wasn’t completely covered with trees, where they could actually sit and enjoy the sunrays on their skin warming up their bodies.</p><p>As it was night the sun left the sky and was replaced by the moon which lightened up the secret getaway place. They were fully aware of the dangers they put themselves in by going to the woods at night but this was a prize they were willing to pay to get some alone time together. Frankly the spot wasn’t that far away from the camp and if something dangerous occurred they would still have time to run back to the others.</p><p>When they arrived Toni pointed at the middle of the place while letting go of Shelby’s hand, signalizing her to sit down on the soft, grassy ground. The Texan was wearing this pink hoodie she got from Fatin which didn’t really keep her warm, so she rubbed her arms against her body and started to shiver.</p><p>“Why didn’t you say you’re freezing?” Toni looked down at Shelby and opened the swag bag they brought with them. She took out an olive-green blanket and gave it to her. “Thanks Toni I appreciate it, but don’t you have another idea how we could warm ourselves up..?” Shelby responded with a flirty tone in her voice.</p><p>Toni smirked back at her while laughing to herself. Shelby knew Toni liked it when she was taking control, so she reached out for Toni’s hand, ordered her to lie on top of her and covered them up with the blanket.</p><p>For a few seconds the two girls just stared at each other, admiring every little detail of their beautifully formed faces. Toni started touching strands of Shelby’s hair which made Shelby feel insecure. She didn’t know how Toni felt about her breakdown that night when she cut off her hair but she assumed that it was definitely not contributing to Toni’s feelings in a positive way.</p><p>But actually, it was quite the opposite because the breakdown made Toni admit her feelings to herself. It was the third time Shelby showed her true colors, the first one being the fight with Leah where she confessed she had dentures and the second time when she kissed Toni in the woods. Seeing Shelby so vulnerable and fragile made Toni think of her differently. Maybe she wasn’t this Southern bible fanatic who was all rainbows and unicorn shit. Maybe she had just been manipulated by her people back home in order to meet some kind of expectations. Turns out Toni was right all this time.</p><p>Besides she didn’t care much about a person’s hair. The values and the behavior of a person were more important to Toni because by those characteristics she could determine if someone was honest and trustworthy. Not that she didn’t want her girlfriend to be pretty, the inner qualities were just more valuable to her but with Shelby she hit the jackpot anyway.</p><p>“Back home I preferred girls with brown hair” Toni put some blonde strands between her fingers and twisted them “but since this whole thing started, I feel like I’ve discovered new sides about myself.” While talking she just looked at the strands slipping through her fingers. From the corner of her eye she spotted Shelby’s smile which was followed by a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>How could Toni feel so free with a person she’d only known for a month? Those intense feelings confused her and sometimes she didn’t like how vulnerable she devoted herself to Shelby. She’d only opened up to Regan in such an intimate way before and she knew how that ended. Lots of nights without sleep, crying in Martha’s arms while sensing this overwhelming anger bursting out of her.</p><p>She wanted to believe that Shelby would never break her heart like that but they'd only been together for a week and before the crash Shelby didn’t even accept her sexual orientation. Toni was scared that the blonde girl thought they were rushing into this relationship. Maybe she didn’t actually like her and just hooked up with her because they were alone and afterwards she would dump her.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Shelby could sense Toni’s thoughts wandering off. “Nothing to worry about, everything’s alright.” While talking Toni’s eyes met Shelby’s once but she had to look away immediately. She was afraid that Shelby would figure out she was lying to her.</p><p>“Look Toni I know something’s up with you, did I do something wrong?” Although Shelby didn’t show it in that exact moment, she was worried about her girlfriend. For the last few days she noticed Toni being especially quiet, not sitting with the others around the campfire and writing something down in her notebook which was very atypical of her.</p><p>“Trust me Shelbs nothing’s wrong, I just have to pee I’ll be back in a minute, okay?” Toni lifted the blanket and stood up. “Alright, please be careful.” Shelby’s eyes met Toni’s while she was walking off.</p><p>Shelby was nothing but honest since they got together and that’s how Toni’s paying back her trust? What was she hiding from her? The blonde girl felt a small fire inside her but immediately shut it down as she was taught that anger doesn’t solve anything, it just contributes to the problem. Admittedly, not everything her family taught her was morally right but she still believed in God and the values He represented.</p><p>After a while, Shelby felt the wind on her skin and put the blanket over her body again. She was getting thirsty and grabbed the swag bag Toni left next to her to see if she brought water. Much to her disappointment she couldn’t find any bottles but instead found Toni’s notebook.</p><p>She looked around to see if her girlfriend was coming back and took it out of the pink bag. She knew that it’d be wrong to spy on Toni, but she just wanted to know what is keeping her girlfriend from telling her the truth. She felt her heart pounding faster than usual and swallowed two times before shutting down her guilt and opening the book.</p><p>The first few pages were ripped out which didn’t concern Shelby because the girls used them to start the campfire. On the next pages there were drawings or faces but she couldn’t exactly make it out because it was too dark. The only source of light was the moon so she moved the notebook into a better position where the lightning shone directly onto it. She flipped the page again and read the words “Thoughts n feelings” written with a black pen. Under the title she noticed single sentences but also short poems. She brought the notebook closer to her eyes to read one of them.</p><p>
  <em> Tiny explosions in my veins
 Thinking about your kiss when it rains 
My thoughts revolve around your touch 
With you by my side I don’t need much 
Your voice on a cold summer morning 
Makes me feel like I’m living, I’m soaring
 Like honey in a bittersweet tea 
Are you my idea of being free </em>
</p><p>She quickly flipped through the other pages and realized that there must’ve been like 20 poems in there. She softly touched the written words to make sure she wasn’t dreaming right now.</p><p>Her girlfriend wrote this poem. Toni frickin Shalifoe wrote this poem. That couldn’t be possible. How did no one know about her incredible writing skills or why didn’t she tell Shelby about it in particular? It was obvious that she didn’t know every little detail about Toni, they officially got together only a week ago, but that was a next-level surprise.</p><p>While contemplating if she should confront Toni, she heard footsteps coming from a specific direction and quickly put the notebook into the bag again. She put the blanket over her body and pretended to snore quietly.</p><p>As Toni arrived back at the place, she must’ve thought Shelby fell asleep and lay down next to her, putting one arm behind her head. The other hand grabbed Shelby’s waist and she gave her a kiss on the forehead before falling asleep as well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy new year everyone! I was thinking how I could be as productive as possible but still have fun on the first day of 2021 so I wrote the second chapter of the story. I know I said that Shelby and Toni would address their little fight in this chapter but I reorganized the plot and I needed this chapter to build up the tension. Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A whole bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Sushi from her favorite Japanese restaurant around the block. Cheesy nachos with salsa. Just from the thought of eating anything else than macadamia nuts Dot’s mouth started to water. At that point they definitely had to find a solution for their starvation situation.</p><p>Dot opened her eyes and tilted her head to see if she was the first one awake. Her assumption proved to be true, so she began her daily consciousness check. Once she stood up, she could feel the dizziness kick in but decided to ignore it. She noticed right away that some girls were missing. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5..wait 5? Where the fuck is everyone?“ Dot was talking to herself. She never did that back home, it was a new side effect of their island lifestyle.</p><p>“Rachel, Fatin, Leah, Martha, myself“ she pointed at each girl as she was counting again. “Shelby, Toni and Nora are missing“ as soon as the words left her lips she heard a weird sound coming from the woods. Dot immediately picked up the big branch she was sleeping next to and moved in the same direction as quietly as possible.</p><p>Suddenly her dizziness was gone and she could feel the Adrenaline pump through her body. The noise was audibly getting closer to the camp and Dot prepared herself to fight some kind of animal. Holding the branch above her head, ready to attack, she realized that a fight wasn’t necessary.</p><p>“What are you doing?“ Nora wondered while she was approaching Dot. “Are you serious I thought we finally had a chance to eat some real meat again, I already prepared myself to kill a goat“, Dot dropped the branch and let out a brief sigh. “I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention to scare you“, Nora sat down next to Rachel drawing up her knees and placing her arms around them. “I just had to pee.“</p><p>+×+×+</p><p>As soon as everyone was awake Dot announced that Shelby and Toni were still missing. “If they don’t show up in the next few hours we should start a search party.“</p><p>“Don’t worry about them they will definitely show up and maybe they have a good reason why they’re not here right now“, Fatin was only half awake but tried to calm everybody down. Besides there was no chance she would join a search party, wandering around the woods all day.</p><p>Out of all the girls Martha was the most worried one. It was very unusual for Toni to leave overnight and not tell her about it, especially leaving with Shelby. Well, they didn’t know if the two girls left together or individually but no matter what, Martha’s fear increased by every minute that had passed. It was the uncertainty which made her feel helpless.</p><p>“I have a weird feeling about it. Toni wouldn’t leave without telling me, especially not in the middle of the night.“ Martha looked at Dot, who seemed to go through all the scenarios which could’ve happened.</p><p>Apparently they were the only ones with concerns, since Rachel and Leah didn’t show any reaction at all, Nora was sitting in the exact same position as before and Fatin went back to sleep.</p><p>Dot sat down next to Martha, putting one arm around her shoulders. She knew how nerve wracking it could be to worry about the well-being of a person you love. It felt like a déjà vu.</p><p>“Listen, if they aren‘t back by noon we will look for them, alright?“ Dot raised the corners of her mouth to a brief smile. Martha nodded in response and put her head on Dot’s shoulder “Thank you.“</p><p>+×+×+</p><p>Back home when Toni was still with Regan, she was never the one who woke up first. As much as she loved Regan, she wanted to enjoy every second of her sleep and would’ve never thought of getting up in advance or even one minute before her alarm went off.</p><p>With Shelby it was different. Sometimes Toni would wake up at night just to check on the blonde and to see if she was alright. She didn’t really have an explanation for her behavior but their whole relationship felt surreal to her, maybe she didn’t want to lose this newly formed bond to an incident she could’ve prevented.</p><p>Unfortunately, this time Toni didn’t wake up at night. The two of them had originally planned to only sleep a few hours in the woods and get back before sunrise.</p><p>The dazzling rays of light forced her to wake up and she definitely wasn’t amused by that. When she slowly opened her eyes, she immediately closed them again, putting the hand which was on Shelby’s waist, onto her face to prevent the sun from blinding her. She let out a loud yawn which, to her surprise, Shelby didn’t notice at all.</p><p>Toni looked over at the blonde gently touching her hair. She could only guess how it would feel like when it’s washed with shampoo and conditioner and all the other hair products Shelby used back home.</p><p>She kinda felt bad for lying to Shelby yesterday and not just addressing her fears of losing her or having more feelings for her than she does. Deep down Toni knew she had to tell her girlfriend the truth, but she wasn’t ready for this conversation yet. It could destroy the possibility of Toni being genuinely happy for once in her life.</p><p>She put her arm behind her head and stared at the branches and leaves above. Nature could be breathtaking sometimes. Strangely enough Toni couldn’t enjoy the moment as much as she wanted to, because something felt off. It was like she forgot something but didn’t remember what it was. She looked around to see if something grabbed her attention, but nothing did.</p><p>Glancing back at Shelby it suddenly hit her. The day had already started and the two of them were still in the woods. Fuck how could she let that happen??</p><p>“Hey Shelby wake up“, she touched her on the right shoulder “you need to get up“ Toni quickly took off the blanket and shoved it into the swag bag.</p><p>“Toni..what is wrong..why are in a hurry?“ Shelby slowly turned around and tried to look at Toni but the sun kept her from doing that. She put her hand in front of her eyes and demanded an explanation for waking her up like that.</p><p>“We overslept, look around and at the sun, the others have definitely noticed that we’re missing.“ she offered Shelby a hand to stand up but the blonde was still processing Toni’s words. She felt a bit dizzy and nauseous but as soon as she realized what that meant her mind went blank.</p><p>“Come on we have to go“, Toni grabbed Shelby’s hand and headed towards the camp “We have to come up with a lie.“</p><p>Shelby wanted to respond but nothing came out of her mouth. No sentences, no words, nothing. Her brain was still trying to process everything that happened between leaving the camp at night and waking up 1 minute ago. She felt Toni’s hand pulling her in one direction, so she started moving her feet.</p><p>+×+×+</p><p>“Hey Nora, could you give me some small branches from the inventory? It looks like the fire will die soon“, Dot put her hands on the ground, got closer to the flame and blew on it.</p><p>In the meantime, Martha’s thoughts revolved around the same thing over and over again. She put her elbows on her knees and held her chin with both hands. She sighed. Why didn’t Toni tell her? She could’ve asked her to join them, but why did they leave in the middle of the night?</p><p>“I’m sorry..but I guess there is no firewood left“ Nora said while looking down, holding one wrist with the other hand.</p><p>“Wait what? Fuck we need some branches immediately“, Dot panicked and stood up. “Rachel and Leah go search for some wood and hurry up“ with one of her sleeves she brushed off the sweat on her forehead “and Lotion you’re going with them.“</p><p>Fatin was still lying down not willing to go into the woods. She put her hood on and pulled the laces tightly. “I’m mentally not able to put effort and hard work into something productive right now.“</p><p>Dot was on the verge of responding to Fatin’s excuse when someone interrupted her.</p><p>“Hey we’re back“ Toni said while holding onto the cords of her swag bag.</p><p>Martha stood up and ran up to them. “Where have you been we were worried about you“ she hugged both of them at the same time.</p><p>“Actually only Martha was worried“, Fatin responded in the most provocative way possible. She put on a big smile and looked them straight in the eyes while raising one eyebrow. She knew exactly what they were doing last night.</p><p>“Next time you should tell someone that you’re leaving. So..what’ve you been up to?“ Dot crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited for an answer.</p><p>Toni came up with a lie on the way back to the camp but as soon as she opened her mouth she was cut off by Shelby. “We were only collecting some firewood.“ She let out a fake laugh. Nearly everyone was better at lying than her. It’d seem she should’ve been an expert, considering her whole love life and sexual orientation before the crash was a lie, but she never lied about trivialities.</p><p>Toni looked at her and couldn’t understand why she said that. Why did she even answer, they agreed on letting Toni do all the speaking.</p><p>“Really? Well, I call that perfect timing. Where is it?“ Dot was pleasantly surprised by how much effort they put in this whole thing.</p><p>“Excuse me, where is what?“ Shelby could feel the sweat running down at one side of her face.</p><p>“Um the firewood you were collecting?“ Dot let out a confused laugh and frowned her forehead.</p><p>“Yeah right..um“ Shelby’s face must have been dark red by now. She scratched her throat.</p><p>“We didn’t find any so we went back to ask if someone would like to join. You know 6 or more eyes are better than 4.“ Toni tried to legitimize the lie by adding some details. She looked at the others hoping they would buy the lie. Before someone could ask anything else, she demanded a response.</p><p>“So..anyone wants to help us collecting some wood?“ she looked everyone directly into their eyes. Never break eye contact during a lie. That was one thing she learned back home, which worked most of the time.</p><p>“Yeah I’ll come with you.“ Martha was happy about the invitation after all. She just wanted to spend some time with her friends. „I’ll join too“, Rachel grabbed another swag bag and headed into the woods.</p><p>Shelby’s face went back to its normal color and she brushed off the sweat on her forehead. She turned around looking at Toni and mouthing a „Thank you“.</p><p>Toni nodded and slightly raised the corners of her mouth. She still didn’t understand why Shelby answered the question herself. They both knew Toni was the better liar.</p><p>When the four girls were out of sight, Dot sat down in den sand and laughed loudly. “That was a straight up lie right now I can’t believe it“ she brushed through her hair with her fingers.</p><p>“Oh come on Dorothy, why should they lie about it?“ Fatin wanted to prevent someone from raising any suspicion. She was aware that she was the only one on the island who knew about their relationship. If they wanted to keep it a secret, she would respect their decision and support them.</p><p>“Well I don’t know but didn’t you see how Shelby acted throughout the conversation?“ Dot went to the same school as her and although they didn’t even talk once, she noticed her mannerisms and knew how she behaved.</p><p>“That was just Shelby being Shelby. That girl cut off half of her hair a week ago, acting weird is part of her personality now.“ Fatin smiled and turned around to face Dot.</p><p>The two girls stared at each other until Dot broke the silence again “Whatever you say Lotion“ she let out a loud laugh. “Hey, don’t call me that“ Fatin threw a diet coke at her, now she had something to laugh about too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As usual, leave some feedback in the comments and tell me how you liked this chapter. I'll upload the next one in a few days.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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